The Washington Presidents: When You’re Sliding Into First…

There isn’t really a ‘classic’ first baseman body type, but because it’s a relatively unchallenging defensive position, they really need to rake in order to justify their spot on the roster. I honestly don’t know how many homers this particular president would hit (Joe Ellis called him “The American Sphinx,” after all), but he’s got the sort of tall, lean body that tends to do well at first base. If nothing else, he’ll know how to stretch out and dig those low throws out of the dirt.

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Thomas Jefferson, First Base

I’ll be honest: there really isn’t any justification for putting Thomas Jefferson at first base other than the fact that he’s one of the tallest presidents and as such, reminds me of Richie Sexson. Basically, I don’t really like Thomas Jefferson very much (Professor Paul Finkelman recently called him a “creepy, brutal hypocrite” and he wasn’t wrong), and most first basemen are terminally lame. Albert Pujols? Great, but offputtingly robotic. Mark Teixeira? Not as good as Pujols, but somehow, EVEN MORE BORING! The only interesting first basemen are Joey Votto and Prince Fielder (that’s science). But I had to put Jefferson somewhere (he’s on Mt. Rushmore, after all) and nobody else really seemed to fit the position. It’ll be fine for now, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll see about trading him for William Gladstone and a Prime Minister to be named later.

Comparable players: Richie Sexson, Will Clark

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