Found Poem: Malibu Police Chief’s Reaction to this Photo*


This photo was taken at a Malibu beach house party moments before this guy was thrown out.

Baseball’s America’s sport, plain and simple
And it’s taken that bat and penetrated deep, deep into our nice, quiet country
You look at this guy, for instance
This loss
This happy-go-lucky burn bag, never played a game of baseball in his life
Never even watched an inning or two on TV, much less got off his
ugly fucking goldbricking ass
and attended a damned game
Look at the track marks on his right arm — he’s a god damned junkie
I’ve seen this bum; he wanders the streets at night with nothing but that headlamp
He’s counting down the minutes till his next fix
He’s sucking around, sucking off the system
Sucking off guys for cash in bus stop restrooms
But baseball has seeped into every part of America, not just the good parts
The bums and degenerates, deadbeats and cocksucker junkies
They’ve all picked up an artifact of the game and deposited in into their shopping carts at some point
That cap this guy’s wearing?
Calls it his “baseball cap”
Found it on the side of the road somewhere
His shirt has a baseball player right on it
It’d be sad if it wasn’t so goddamned disgusting
But baseball’s America’s sport
Plain and simple
Me, I always preferred golf myself

*Poem found by our good friend John LaConte

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